| h is for heart |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|06:28 pm] |
Vampires with who have trouble admitting the limits of Personal Salvation Through Romance Mongering chase their ex-love with two sweaty pieces of red construction paper: one clutched to the chest of its creator with all the fervor of Cataclysmic Affect, the other outstretched to the ex-lover, now running away and wanting no reminder of previous Misadventures in Intimacy.
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| g is for godzilla |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|08:39 am] |
Sometimes it is not enough for vampires to arrive at Halloween parties dressed as themselves - that is, scary vampires. And most vampires are too pale and stinky to pass as live humans. This vampire decided to dress up like a scary godzilla monster for Halloween. Then the godzilla vampire challenged all the other vampires at the party to a match of down and dirty wrasslin.
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| m is for microphone |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|08:36 am] |
Electrocution isn’t really a concern for vampires. For this reason, those with a predisposition to teeth grinding may sometimes cause sparks to fly when, for purposes of busting a move, they must hold microphones in their mouth to allow all 4 limbs maximum freedom of movement.
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| anxious bunny vampire |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|08:24 am] |
The cuteness of vampires belies the exceedingly high prevalence of anxiety disorders within the population.
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| vampire bunny getting revenge |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|09:16 pm] |
Bunny vampires like to take serious revenge upon rich ladies who love fur coats. The so-called "Bunny Death Grip," handed down for generations of lagomorph vampires, involves tightly grasping the rich lady's neck with the front paws and pointy incisors while simultaneously kicking her with the back paws. In an ironic gesture, this position is said to mimic the collars once popular on fur coats.
As vampires, rich ladies are doomed to look funky. Their obsession with makeup causes their skin to quickly lose its lustre. Their hair grows ratty and ill-maintained through many nights of brushing and hair spraying.
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| q is for queen |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|07:39 pm] |
Some drama queens are flaming before they recieve the Kiss of Life. Afterwards, these individuals are flaming + 3 because they lose their fear of fire.
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| c is for clarity |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|12:38 pm] |
Vampre lore holds that, when a young vampire has a good idea, its patron poltergeist will cause a 60 watt light bulb to appear and light up above the right shoulder of the little one.
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| l is for lint |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|11:35 am] |
The less disorganized members of the human race can accumulate a lot of lint and dust bunnies in one measly lifetime. Can you imagine how much vampires with hoarding disorders may manage to collect?
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| c is for cavity |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|11:18 am] |
Vampires who chronically drink the blood of diabetics sometimes get cavities. Rather than considering the dental malady a cosmetic issue, most vampires show off their rotten bits as a sign of badassness. Kinda punk, eh?
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| i is for icarus |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
Even vampire Icarus doesn't like to fall into the sea. Sure, no death is involved. But would you want to live off of nothing but manatee blood for weeks on end till you float to land?
Yeah, me neither.
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| d is for dryer |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|12:27 pm] |
Vampires really enjoy gory movies. After all, it follows that if mafia dudes enjoy watching mafia movies, vampires would want to watch gory movies, right? The problem with going to a gory movie, though, is that the vampires get so enraptured by all the tasty gore that they get hungry for a little bite. Sort of like how non-vampires want some popcorn after seeing an ad for the consessions stand during the previews. But tasty potenntial-gore is all around them, in the form of humans with pulses. And the blood, unlike the popcorn, is entirely free.
Needless to say, vampires having trouble getting cheap thrills at the movie theatre without getting into trouble and disturbing the rest of the audience.
To stay out of trouble, well behaved vampires shut each other into dryers to get spun around. They don't need to breathe, so a full 50 minute cycle-o-fun is possible.
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| b is for bear |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|11:32 am] |
Some vampires are very small, and fit in conventionally sized honey pots. There is a special vampire holiday when these misfits dress up as bears and hide in containers full of the sweet substance. They pop out and scare vampire passers by.
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| a is for apple |
[Oct. 19th, 2006|10:33 am] |
Vampires like red things other than blood. Things like apples, for instance.
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| LJ for work! Woo. |
[Sep. 13th, 2006|12:00 pm] |
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This is the lj name I use to respond to posts while at work. I want to keep my other journal separate. Although, I really like this name. I'm glad that Omarosa didn't snatch it up first. |
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ms_famewhore's journal
